Light
by Imprisoned Fire
Summary: What was once whole was now shattered. What once held life now seemed dead. Happiness turns to sorrow, joy into despair. However, beyond the anguish of loss he realizes a light still remains. NarutoxHinata


Disclaimer: Naruto and all related characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto. I only own the plotline and I ask that you do not copy it. Thank you.

* * *

It was early, far too early for most people to be up. The gray morning sky over head predicted rain for the day. Dark clouds drawing in from the distance would occasionally let loose a low roll of thunder, barely heard over the rustling of trees in the slight breeze. Almost nobody saw the predictions for today's weather; nobody was up to see them. Just about everyone inside the hidden leaf village was sleeping. They were still curled up in their warm beds, basking in pleasant dreams. They would have no desire to leave their warm beds and enter the gray world outside. There were the regular ninjas placed around the village to be safe, but they paid no mind the weather either. 

There was, however, one person who walked down the early morning streets. Just one person who walked through the sleeping village. He noticed the weather, noticed it every morning in fact. It seemed ironic to him that it would threaten to rain today of all days.

He was taking a route he knew far to well. He didn't even have to think about it for his feet had memorized the way. He brought a hand up, running it through his messy blond hair as his blue eyes stared off in to space in front of him. Despite his different attire, had anyone been up they would instantly recognize the young man as the current Hokage.

Naruto Uzumaki made his way patently down the road, following it as it led away from the houses and in through the trees. He only gave a small attention to the scenery around him. The tall summer trees shifted in the wind above his head, their leaves in brilliant shads of green. If the sun had been shining they would almost seem to glimmer like emeralds. It was a healthy glow that said they were receiving good care. They did every year. But since the sun showed no signs of coming out, the leaves were lost of most of that glimmer. But even with the gray clouds blocking the light, they still kept a sort of glow.

At least, that's what most people would see. Naruto use to see it too, but now the leaves looked as dim and dull as the clouds above. The trunks that held them up seemed to be turning gray as the sky darkened as opposite to the strong brown they were suppose to be. It was as if everything was turning gray and gloomy with the cloudy sky.

He looked different as well, and it wasn't just because of his change in clothing or the dim light that came from the clouds above. Anyone that knew him well enough would agree that he had changed drastically since this time last year. Even at the age of twenty-five, he had maintained most of his energy and enthusiasm from when he was a kid. Granted, he was little more mature, but he still had the air of a child about him.

At least, he use to. Now though, many would wonder if this was the same Naruto they grew up with (or taught varying from person to person). His blue eyes that normally sparked with a vigorous light now seemed even dimmer then the ominous clouds. The smile most were use to seeing, the one that never really lost the look of a child, was nowhere to be seen.

In fact, his face looked even more dim and emotionless then any storm could.

Naruto continued to walk, paying more attention to the ground then anything. He was no longer surrounded by an endless wall of trees. They had cleared out, leading him into a large area cleared of most undergrowth. There were no people here either, but then, most people didn't come here just after dawn on a rainy morning.

He was glad to be the only one here, he really didn't want to see or be seen by anyone right now. He was also kind of glad it was going to rain. He really didn't think he would be able to handle the sunny weather.

It reminded him too much of her…

Naruto finally stopped walking. He stopped at the same place he always did. This spot… the one he had come to so many times he could probably do it in his sleep.

He found his cobalt eyes scanning over the area around him. Morning fog remained in the distance, obscuring the figures that were there. Although there were no people here, in a strange way there was. He could see them standing all around him. Some were tall, some were short. Some were wide; two people standing side by side. But one thing they all shared was the fact that they stood emotionless in the dull light. Gray, immobile figures; like statues frozen in time.

They weren't people, but merely the monuments that marked their final resting place.

Naruto stood in front one particular gravestone. It was among those set separate from most of the others. As he stared at the stone and the words engraved on it, he felt every emotion that he had tried to bury spinning inside him.

"Why…" His voice was low and some what harsh. It only carried a short distance, the unmoving figures were the only things to hear him. That word was a question he had asked himself so many times, repeated it so often that the actual meaning had almost become lost.

Nothing had changed. Even after a year he couldn't rid himself of the feelings. He still hadn't moved on. It might as well have only been one day rather three hundred and sixty-five. Even now those feelings were spinning around, blocking his thoughts.

Sorrow… Guilt…. Doubt… He tried to be strong, tried not to let those feelings affect him. But they were always there, just on the end of his mind. Always clawing at him, reminding him.

He placed his hand on the stone, tracing over the words with his fingers. It was easy to make out the characters even in the dim light. But then, he didn't even need to look at them to know what was carved into the stone. He could tell not only from sight, but from just tracing them.

Has it really been a year he wondered. It seemed like it was just yesterday that she was in his arms, telling him good bye as she got ready to go with the others. That small, sweet smile and sparkling eyes of hers. Just like the sunshine she was ready to brighten his day without the slightest bit of effort.

Hinata…

Her name was heard unspoken on his lips. He could easily picture her face in his mind, from when they were kids to just a year ago. The shy, stuttering wallflower that had had a crash on him all through their academy years and beyond. He remembered when he came back from his two years of training she had tried to come and greet him, and he ended up making her faint when he so loudly greeted her from behind. He also remembered quite well both his and her reactions when he finally realized it was her he saw training under the waterfall. There were lots of things he remembered and could picture. Her dark hair, while short when they were kids it grew longer as they got older. He could still feel the silk strands on his fingers from when he would run them through her hair. The way her lilac eyes seemed to brighten whenever she saw him. Those were just a few of the things that remained on his mind.

Where people doubted him, she continued to believe. When people called him weak she said he was strong. She was his sunshine. She gave him a reason to hope everyday. She chased the darkness he had fought off as a child away for good, and kept it away. Whenever he would start to doubt himself she would restore his fading strength. She gave him something no one else ever could.

And just as she made him stranger, he helped her become strong as well. She told him once that if it hadn't been for him inspiring her to become stronger person, she may never have been able to stand up to the difficulties she had faced. She may have never been able to actually stand up to her father. And she may have never gotten the courage to tell him, Naruto, how she really felt.

But he wasn't the only one her light reached. There were so many others who were given strength by her over time. He had learned quickly that the thing she had wanted most was to be needed. And she was, not only by him, but by so many others. There was everyone within the Hyuga clan, in which her and Neji had worked hard to repair the friction that had grown between the branches. And then there were the people among the village. If there was a shortage at the hospital, she would go to volunteer. If there were any buildings in need of repair she was among the first to go and help. So many times she would venture out to help the villagers, not because she had to, but because she wanted to.

He wanted to protect her. He wanted to protect that precious sunshine from everything that could shatter it. He wanted to protect her more then anything in the world. He was the Hokage, he thought he could do it. He thought he could keep her safe. He thought-

Naruto almost jumped a foot in the air as the sky shook above him. He could feel the ground itself rumbling beneath his feet with the thunder. He looked up at the clouds above his head; the large, ominous clouds that now looked a more dangerous black then a gloomy gray. He had been so absorbed in his thoughts he didn't even realize the storm was now right above him.

Naruto blinked as something wet landed on the hand resting on the stone. He looked down at it, staring at the water that ran down the side. Another drop came, this time landing on his arm. He tilted his head back up, causing a drop to land square on his head. The rain started to come down everywhere. It was like a gray curtain had suddenly been drawn around him, closing him in.

He pulled his hand away from the marble, staring down at the stone as he contemplated whether or not this would be the last time he saw it.

He was the Hokage, he was entitled to protect an entire village from harm. Protecting her, the one person that mattered the most to him, should have been easy.  
But when it came down to it…

The Land of Wind had been suffering from damaging storms and many places were in need of repairs. A letter had come requesting some help. Of course, he sent word that they would lend a hand and asked around for volunteers, noting they would be leaving as soon as possible.

Hinata insisted on going. He wasn't surprised by it. She was a caring person and when she felt that she could help she had to do it. He understood this, it was just one of the things that he loved about her.

But…

For some reason he didn't want her to go. He didn't know why. She had been to the sand village before, both with and without him. And of all the times she went nothing had ever happened to make him worry. But this time there was a feeling in the pit of his stomach, one that reminded him of fear. Something in his gut said not to let her go. He didn't know why. He told himself that she would be fine. Plus, she was a strong ninja. Even if anything happened she would be alright.

But all the same, he tried to convince her not to go. There was more then enough people going, she was needed here at home, anything he thought of that might get her to stay he told her. But she insisted with a stubbornness she only rarely showed. She said there was no reason for him to be so worried. "I'll be fine" she told him.

So he let her go. Even as he kissed her good-bye, he was trying to tell himself that she would be right. There was nothing for him to worry about. Nothing at all. But he couldn't shake that feeling he had in the pit of his stomach. That sick, worrying, fearful feeling of dread that wouldn't leave his mind.

As he watched her disappearing from sight, he couldn't help but feel like he was saying good-bye for good.

He would never forget that day almost a week after they left. That sick, dreading feeling was almost unbearable. He was walking around the room, restless. Rain pounded against the window along side the wind. It seemed to cry and scream, begging him to let it in. He didn't know why he felt so sick, like someone had punched him in the gut a few times.  
All he knew for sure was that something was wrong.

It was Sakura that came running into the room, her face distraught as she tried to tell him what had happened. It wasn't until she repeated herself three times that he realized what she was saying.

An attack. Enemy ninja had lunched a surprise attack on the sand while their defenses were low. Many were injured, others killed, include some of their own.

And among those killed was Hinata.

Naruto turned his gaze back to the clouds. He closed his eyes, stopping the falling water from getting in them. The dark, ominous figures looked large enough to cover the world. The rain was coming down hard now, pounding on everything beneath it.

Broken. That's the only word he could think of. Every thing was broken, shattered like a piece of glass. Everything that once looked full of life now seemed died. He never realized how much he needed her until she was gone.

He opened his eyes as his hand grasped a familiar object. He hadn't thought about it, but reached for it subconsciously. He brought the glimmering knife up, staring at his reflecting in the blade.

They said she fought hard, and that without her they may have been whipped out completely. They said she took out a high number of enemy ninja, but there had been too many and they eventually overwhelmed her.

Why? Why did she die? Why couldn't he protect her? Why didn't he do more to stop her from going? Why wasn't he there to help her? Why did he-

Why did he even stay alive?

The rain began to come down harder as he held the kunai in his hand, almost as if attempting to make him put it away. He had thought about it, thought about it countless times before now. How easy it would be to stop the numbing sadness that spread through him, to stop the lonely darkness from terrorized him once and for all. The hopelessness he felt every time he stopped to think about something, that hole in his heart he knew could never be filled, it was becoming too much to handle.

He didn't know what to do any more. When he realized she was gone, it was like all the light went out. The sun outside could have been shining brighter then anything in the universe and his world would still seem like it was in the dark. It was like all the hope he had learned to have when with her had vanished. The light she had used to keep the darkness away had gone out. It was as if all of his hopes, his dreams, his reason to live, had all died with her.

But now he understood something.

He stared at the kunai, looking at his reflection on the wet steel. For a moment he didn't see his face. For just a split second he saw _her_ face. Her short, dark hair. Her sparkling lilac eyes and bright smile. A smile that looked so much like-

His hand tightened around the kunai handle as he looked away, unable to complete his train of thought. He moved his arm, the rain continuing to pound down on it.  
Naruto held the kunai starched out in front of him. He watched as the rain dripped off the blade. He was the Hokage, yet he couldn't protect that one person. He failed to protect the one person that mattered the most to him. If he couldn't protect her, how could he continue to protect the entire village? How could he protect all the other people that met so much to him?

He closed his eyes. He could picture it clearly, that swirling whirlpool of lonely darkness. That massive mess of sorrow and despair. Of anguish and pain he couldn't escape from. How many times would he have to fight it off? It was thanks to his friends he was able to fight it off as a kid. And then Hinata made sure he kept fighting it off. When he closed his eyes he could see the light keeping it away.

But not anymore.

Naruto opened his eyes, staring at the kunai. Everything, absolutely everything he felt came rushing over him like a giant tidal wave. Anger at himself for not stopping her when he had the chance. Guilt for letting her die and not protecting her when she needed him the most. Sorrow for what was lost to him and everyone else forever. Despair at knowing there would be nobody else who could give him the same love and light that she did. He felt shattered, like a piece of glass that would lay forever broken on the floor.

A spark. That was all he needed to keep going. If he just had a little spark of light, of hope, he would know it would be okay.  
_  
A spark…_

He understood it now…

He raised the kunai over his head. He could feel the wind whipping around his hand, the rain pounding on his body. He felt a loud cry come from his throat, the sound scratching against it like sandpaper. He brought the blade down as fast as he could, not even looking at it as it tore at brown flesh. It scraped against pieces of marble bone as it cut up veins that were roots.

He was down on one knee, breathing heavily as he stared at the kunai he had buried up to the hilt in dark, muddy blood and the long, jagged cut he had left in the earth. Slowly he unclenched his hand from around the handle, leaving the blade plunged into the ground. He watched as rain flowed around it, almost like real blood from a real wound.

He stayed like that for a long time; one knee resting in the mud as he stared at the ground. Rain fell all around him as he just sat there in front of Hinata's grave.

"It's okay…" His voice was low and somewhat harsh from his sudden cry. He was still staring at the ground, his blue eyes looked empty as his wet hair fell over his face. Although his face was dry of tears anyone would be able to tell his soul was crying.

"I get it now. I understand." He was only half aware of saying the words out load as he stood up. That's why he was here though, because he understood.

He closed his eyes again. That whirlpool swirled in front of him again as the same questions ran through his mind.

Was there still hope? Was there even a little bit of light, a spark, to shine through that darkness? Could he still find the strength to defend this village like he swore to do? Did he even need to?

Did he even deserve to? If he couldn't even protect the one person who mattered the most to him, how could he protect an entire village from harm?

One image flashed through his mind, one he had pictured several times. Did he really deserve to stay alive? Did he really deserve to remain Hokage? Surely there was someone better, someone who wouldn't let these feelings go on for so long. Someone who could protect them better then he could.

The rain wasn't pounding against his face as hard. He realized there seemed to be something bright on the other side of his closed eye lids. He opened his eyes, only to shut them right away as he was blinded by a bright flash. Slowly he opened them again, this time staring at the ground and working his way up.

It was still raining, although not as hard it still come down at once. And the falling water looked like jewels in the sunshine that surround them. It shined down all around him, casting the once gray dark world in to light. It felt warm against his icy water covered skin.

He looked around at the casting shadows and light as he stood up. It looked strange here in the sun, so bright. He realized his hands were starting to shake. This warm sunshine against him, it felt so familiar. He could feel it, feel it in his very soul. That presence he had nearly forgotten.

More water was falling on his face, but this time it wasn't from the rain. He stared up at the sky despite the blinding light. He could see the dark clouds surrounding the sun. It was just a break in the clouds, that's the reason there was sunshine. That's the only reason there was light.

But that sunshine could have been anywhere else. It could have been shining somewhere that actually needed it. A garden, the emerald trees, a house where some little kid wanted to go out and play. But no, it was shining down on a mostly dirt filled graveyard. Shining warm light down on forever cold statues.

Shining down on him.

Naruto choked on his breath as tears streamed down his face, their salty bitterness mixing with the fresh rain. They filled his mouth, choking him even more.

"That's you, isn't it Hinata?" He spoke aloud, talking directly to warmth that shined down on him. He stared, eyes half closed against the light, up at the sky.

"You're telling me not to give up, aren't you?" He said out loud, choking back the sob that rattled his throat. He could practically hear her saying it, even though the only response he got was a brighter glow of light. He closed his eyes for a moment, letting the rain run down his face as he took in the warm sun. She had once said words of encouragement when they were kids, and was now saying them again.

"It's because I understand now, right?"  
_  
It's still there…_

He brought his arm up, whipping his eyes on the sleeve of his shirt. He gave one last look up at the sky, colored in white and black before turning around. He started walking back the way he came. He didn't know if he went fast or slow, but felt that he was leaving far to soon. When he got to the edge of the trees he paused. He wanted to take one last look at the sunshine, one last look at her warm light. But he kept himself from looking back and continued down the path.  
_  
It's small…_

This was the last time he would visit her grave. He couldn't come back here. He couldn't go back to anywhere covered in darkness. Although it was in light now, it would soon be covered in darkness again.  
_  
…and can barely be seen…  
_  
Naruto walked under the trees once more, feeling the rain falling on him more lightly. Although it now had to come the branches and leaves, he thought the rain was falling a little too lightly then before.

He didn't try to block the emotions that swirled around or to drowned out the voice the sunshine dug up.

About halfway down the path he changed direction, going towards a different area. It had to be around late morning now. Everyone would most likely be up, starting the day. He was expected at the main office. But he had the feeling that he wouldn't be showing up today.  
_  
It may be so small…_

He walked out from under the trees, blinking at the bright light. He thought for sure the storm would still be raging, but it looked to have stopped here too. Looking up he saw that the clouds were starting to clear, reviling a sky bluer then his eyes.  
_  
…the slightest wind could blow it out._

He started walking again, going through the village once more. Unlike this morning he wasn't the only one outside. All around him people had started their day. As he walked down the street the houses grew bigger and more extravagant. Finally he came upon a compound of houses set separate from the rest of the village.  
_  
But it's there, Naruto._

He walked onto the Hyuga grounds, heading in the direction of Neji and Tenten's home. As he neared the house he saw a young child sitting restlessly on the front steps. She was fidgeting with her clothes as she watched some birds in the nearby tree.

That's right. He understood now. He couldn't give up, not yet anyway. There were still people who needed him, depended on him for protection. He would never fully recover from losing Hinata, ever. She was his sunshine, his hope. Because of her he would know things would work out in the end. And when she dead that sunshine went with her. That lonely darkness he had thought was gone years ago came back. It clawed relentlessly at his mind every minute of everyday. And he almost lost to it. He almost gave in to that never ending despair, that unbearably lonely darkness.

It was true, that sunshine Hinata brought into his life had forever set. The light she gave would never again cut through the darkness. But still…

As he got closer to the house the young child looked up at him. Her round face brightened up with a smile as she jumped up and run towards him.

"Daddy! You're home!" She cried happily as she tackled him with a hug, not even caring he was completely soaked. She was filled with enough energy it could have rivaled his own as a child. "Uncle Neji said you wouldn't be back till late tonight. I though I would have to play by myself today." Naruto smiled down at her, ruffling her short dark hair. "Well Hikari, I decided to take the day off." He told her. She looked up at him, her large eyes sparkling with joy. Lilac eyes that reminded him so much of her mother.

"Really!" She shouted happily. She unwrapped her arms as she literally jumped up and down with joy. "Can we go out for lunch? And go swimming? And maybe go to the park? And…" She kept listing things to do, not bothering to stop and let him answer. He had to laugh. "We can try and do all of it! But how about you go and tell Aunty Tenten first, 'kay?"

"Okay!" Hikari didn't need told twice as she rushed inside to find Tenten. Naruto followed at a slower pace, continuing his earlier train of thought.

There was still light. There was still hope. Even though he grew to feel he didn't deserve to stay here, didn't deserve to be Hokage, he knew he had to. Because there was still a spark. However small it may be it was there. It shined through the darkness, growing a little more each day. He may not have at first, but he understood this now. He watched as Hikari came running back out of the house, smiling happily at him as they started their day together. Even if the sunshine of his wife and love was nearly gone, the light of their only child remained. It continued to glow, giving him the hope he had nearly lost.

The sun shined even brighter as the father and his daughter walked through the village hand-in-hand, almost as if it were smiling down on them.

He wouldn't give up. As long as he had her, as long as a little spark of light remained, he wouldn't give up. He couldn't give up. He would keep fighting the lonely darkness that hovered just off the edge of his mind. He would keep protecting his only daughter and everyone in the village he had been entrusted with as Hokage.

As long as the light of hope remained, he would keep fighting.

For her sake and his.

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Authors Note: Because it was so long I almost didn't put it up. I thought "No one is going to read this, it's too long!" and spent the last few days wondering about it. Then I finally convinced myself that the only way to know if people would read it was to put it up. 

As many of you probably know, Hinata's name means "Sunshine". Something you may or may not know is the name I gave their daughter, Hikari, means "Light". I think I even managed to work in the meaning of Naruto's last name (whirlpool) somewhere in there.

I really do hope that you enjoyed this story and well review. I'm not psychic (though trust me, I wish I was), so if you want me too know what you thought of the story your going to have to review. And I really do want to know if you liked it or not. So please review!


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